Alvy Singer: The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.
I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member
True for all relationships, actually. If you want me, then i don't want you. Its the Power Number theory.
A phrase began to beat in my ears with a sort of heady excitement: "There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy, and the tired"
In every relationship, there will be a pursuer (?) and a pursued. The person with the lower power number would want to be around the person with the higher power number, crave his acceptance and approval. The person with the HPN would tolerate the person with the LPN till he becomes cumbersome.
You will be dispensed with
When you've become inconvenient
The person with the LPN would initiate all the calls, exclaim all the "Its been so long!"s, and "lets get together and hang"s. The person with the HPN would be excused all usual social impolitenesses. A person with a LPN than you asks for a favor and you can easily decline, but a person with a HPN asks for anything and you must oblige. Like Seinfeld walking her ex-girlfriend's dog.
But there's no escaping it because you pull the same crap with people with a LPN than you.
George Costanza: Aah! what's the point. When I like them, they don't like me; when they like me, I don't like them
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
All That I Know, Part 3
Because it was early 2003, when I was a kid who didn’t listen to English music at all, and barely anything of Hindi music too. And I wasn’t the English movies and sitcoms addict that I turned out to be. Mostly, it was because back then I just didn’t understand the lyrics of English songs as naturally as I wanted to. Looking back, I think I remember the exact instant when all of it changed.
It was a guy in a plain dark green t-shirt, one size too large rapping very fast and very clearly. Maybe it was his voice, or the way he moved his hands while he rapped, but I instantly felt it was something special.
Snap back to reality, oh, there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked, he's so mad
But he won't give up that easy, no, he won't have it
He knows his whole back's to these ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke, he's so stagnant he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again, yo, this whole rap shit, he
Better go capture this moment and hope it don’t pass him
Listening to it was more like –
Snap back to re-ality
oh, there goes gr-avity
Oh, there goes R-abbit- he
choked, he's so m-ad-but-he
won't give up th-at-easy
no, he won't h-ave-it-He
knows his whole b-ack's-to-these
ropes It don't m-atter- he's
dope He knows th-at-but-he's
broke, he's so st-agnant-he
knows When he goes back to his
mobile home, that's when it's
I don’t know what this technique is called, and I didn't even realize it then, what it was that made just another song click so much, but maybe this was it - He was rhyming not only the end, but also the beginning of the lines. Or there wasn’t any beginning or the end of the line anymore.
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
It was the first time I instantly understood the lyrics, and their meaning, and it blew my mind. ‘Lose yourself in the music, the moment’, these words made so much sense, instantly. It seemed an incredibly powerful idea. That to reach a dream that seemed so out of reach, of course you'll have to work incredibly hard, but that hard work now seemed do-able for I could picture myself doing it by losing myself in the music. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow / This opportunity comes once in a lifetime. It had the same impact, I think, as those images in Rocky, of a determined Stallone waking at dawn every day, eating those raw eggs, and running and practicing insanely. ‘It had a whole generation doing push ups and eating raw eggs’, Rahul Bose said once; I’m paraphrasing.
Lonely roads,
god only knows
he's grown farther
from home
He's no father
There was such rhythm to these lines. Lonely roads, God only knows. And again, its not just farther and father that rhyme, but also ‘knows he’s grown’ and ‘home he’s no’.
At the end of the second stanza, the beat picks up pace. The image in the video of Eminem going up on the stage, and taking the mic as the chorus starts, and the million fans, and the crowd in the shelter (from that scene in 8 mile), all waving their hands in that typical rap motion, was the moment when I became a convert, and I hadn’t seen the guy or listened to a rap song in my life till 5 minutes prior.
No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this mothafuckin' roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playin' in the beginnin, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
Middle of the third stanza, the beat picks up. Suddenly, there's even greater energy to the song. There's more urgency, more anger, more deliberation to every word. Like each word carries much more weight. Its building towards a climax surprisingly stronger than the start.
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my nine to five
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cuz man, these goddamn food stamps don't buy diapers
And there's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer
This is my life, and these times are so hard
And it's getting even harder tryin' to feed and water my seed, plus
Teetertotter caught up between bein a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama screamin on and too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot or end up in jail or shot
And before it comes back to the chorus, it reaches a crescendo and you are as pumped as the climax of an evenly matched boxing match, when he says,
Success is my only motherfuckin' option, failure's not
Partly it was my SNAFU life, partly the lyrical and performing genius of Marshall Bruce Mathers III, but the words seemed like gospel truth to me, listening the song for the first time and then over and over and over again. It was a panacea for all troubles. An uplifter for all down moods. A snap-me-out. A make-me-alright. A forget-about-it. An at-least-I-have-this. Lose Yourself.
By the time he reached the end of the song, that first time, he didn’t even have to say it. For those few seconds I already believed it –
You can do anything you set your mind to, man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bk-At77Esg&feature=related
And so you’ll forgive me, if I forgive him his other transgressions. TBC
It was a guy in a plain dark green t-shirt, one size too large rapping very fast and very clearly. Maybe it was his voice, or the way he moved his hands while he rapped, but I instantly felt it was something special.
Snap back to reality, oh, there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked, he's so mad
But he won't give up that easy, no, he won't have it
He knows his whole back's to these ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke, he's so stagnant he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again, yo, this whole rap shit, he
Better go capture this moment and hope it don’t pass him
Listening to it was more like –
Snap back to re-ality
oh, there goes gr-avity
Oh, there goes R-abbit- he
choked, he's so m-ad-but-he
won't give up th-at-easy
no, he won't h-ave-it-He
knows his whole b-ack's-to-these
ropes It don't m-atter- he's
dope He knows th-at-but-he's
broke, he's so st-agnant-he
knows When he goes back to his
mobile home, that's when it's
I don’t know what this technique is called, and I didn't even realize it then, what it was that made just another song click so much, but maybe this was it - He was rhyming not only the end, but also the beginning of the lines. Or there wasn’t any beginning or the end of the line anymore.
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
It was the first time I instantly understood the lyrics, and their meaning, and it blew my mind. ‘Lose yourself in the music, the moment’, these words made so much sense, instantly. It seemed an incredibly powerful idea. That to reach a dream that seemed so out of reach, of course you'll have to work incredibly hard, but that hard work now seemed do-able for I could picture myself doing it by losing myself in the music. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow / This opportunity comes once in a lifetime. It had the same impact, I think, as those images in Rocky, of a determined Stallone waking at dawn every day, eating those raw eggs, and running and practicing insanely. ‘It had a whole generation doing push ups and eating raw eggs’, Rahul Bose said once; I’m paraphrasing.
Lonely roads,
god only knows
he's grown farther
from home
He's no father
There was such rhythm to these lines. Lonely roads, God only knows. And again, its not just farther and father that rhyme, but also ‘knows he’s grown’ and ‘home he’s no’.
At the end of the second stanza, the beat picks up pace. The image in the video of Eminem going up on the stage, and taking the mic as the chorus starts, and the million fans, and the crowd in the shelter (from that scene in 8 mile), all waving their hands in that typical rap motion, was the moment when I became a convert, and I hadn’t seen the guy or listened to a rap song in my life till 5 minutes prior.
No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this mothafuckin' roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playin' in the beginnin, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
Middle of the third stanza, the beat picks up. Suddenly, there's even greater energy to the song. There's more urgency, more anger, more deliberation to every word. Like each word carries much more weight. Its building towards a climax surprisingly stronger than the start.
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my nine to five
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cuz man, these goddamn food stamps don't buy diapers
And there's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer
This is my life, and these times are so hard
And it's getting even harder tryin' to feed and water my seed, plus
Teetertotter caught up between bein a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama screamin on and too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot or end up in jail or shot
And before it comes back to the chorus, it reaches a crescendo and you are as pumped as the climax of an evenly matched boxing match, when he says,
Success is my only motherfuckin' option, failure's not
Partly it was my SNAFU life, partly the lyrical and performing genius of Marshall Bruce Mathers III, but the words seemed like gospel truth to me, listening the song for the first time and then over and over and over again. It was a panacea for all troubles. An uplifter for all down moods. A snap-me-out. A make-me-alright. A forget-about-it. An at-least-I-have-this. Lose Yourself.
By the time he reached the end of the song, that first time, he didn’t even have to say it. For those few seconds I already believed it –
You can do anything you set your mind to, man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bk-At77Esg&feature=related
And so you’ll forgive me, if I forgive him his other transgressions. TBC
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Ask yourself if you're happy ...
[nusrat fateh ali khan - sanu ik pal chain na aave]
Returning home after my final day at my first job, I lie down, switch off the lights, and listen to this song, doing nothing else.
sanu ik pal chain na aave
sanu ik pal chain na aave
sajna tere bina
saada kalliyan jee naiyo lagna
saada kalliyan jee naiyo lagna
sajna tere bina
Haven't been able to find the lyrics to this version of the song anywhere through 'the algorithm'
ik pal chain naa aave
sajna tere bina
"Ask yourself, if you're happy, and you cease to be so" - revolves in my mind, for some reason.
I take stock and I don't compare, but how do I complain when I have this song?
raati main jalaavan diva
hanjhuan de tel da
hai rabba sajna nu chheti kyon nahi bhejda
In Shawshank Redemption, there's a scene where Andy locks the guard in the toilet, locks himself inside of a room, and plays a recording of The Marriage Of Figaro: 'Duettino - Sull 'Aria' - Karl Boehm/Deutsch Opr Berlin (I think thats the recording) at full blast. He lies on a resting chair savouring the voices as the guards and the warden threaten consequences. Finally, they break the window and escort him to to 'the hole', but not before the whole of Shawshank has experienced those time-slowing moments.
rog vajog te sog hazaaran
sajna tere naa de
ohna bhaane roz kayamat
vicchre yaar jina de
Red: [narrating]
o kaaga tainu chooriyan paavan
kade saade vi baith banere
de paigaam koi sajna vaala
ve main shagan manava tere
o kaaga baith banere saade
shayad aa jaan saajan mere
addiyaan chuk chuk yaar farida
raah takkan main shaam savere
those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream.
The segments in 'Sanu ik pal...' bring the same phrase to mind. The vocal callisthenics of NFAK and the accompanying singer need to be heard to be believed. (2:50 - 3:50; 5:25-5:40; 6:58-7:48; 7:09-7:16)
yaar yaar kookaan
chhadd yaar gaya
labbhaan yaar nu labhda yaar naahi
bulle shah jahaan de yaar bajhon
mazaa yaariyan da vajhon yaar nahi
khair deen shah yaar bin bhatt jeevan
kol yaar de je kar yaar naahi
And then, another day, another chapter, same tripe.
.....
raati main jalaavan diva
hanjhuan de tel da
- wouldn't a translation just kill the spirit?
Returning home after my final day at my first job, I lie down, switch off the lights, and listen to this song, doing nothing else.
sanu ik pal chain na aave
sanu ik pal chain na aave
sajna tere bina
saada kalliyan jee naiyo lagna
saada kalliyan jee naiyo lagna
sajna tere bina
Haven't been able to find the lyrics to this version of the song anywhere through 'the algorithm'
ik pal chain naa aave
sajna tere bina
"Ask yourself, if you're happy, and you cease to be so" - revolves in my mind, for some reason.
I take stock and I don't compare, but how do I complain when I have this song?
raati main jalaavan diva
hanjhuan de tel da
hai rabba sajna nu chheti kyon nahi bhejda
In Shawshank Redemption, there's a scene where Andy locks the guard in the toilet, locks himself inside of a room, and plays a recording of The Marriage Of Figaro: 'Duettino - Sull 'Aria' - Karl Boehm/Deutsch Opr Berlin (I think thats the recording) at full blast. He lies on a resting chair savouring the voices as the guards and the warden threaten consequences. Finally, they break the window and escort him to to 'the hole', but not before the whole of Shawshank has experienced those time-slowing moments.
rog vajog te sog hazaaran
sajna tere naa de
ohna bhaane roz kayamat
vicchre yaar jina de
Red: [narrating]
I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free
o kaaga tainu chooriyan paavan
kade saade vi baith banere
de paigaam koi sajna vaala
ve main shagan manava tere
o kaaga baith banere saade
shayad aa jaan saajan mere
addiyaan chuk chuk yaar farida
raah takkan main shaam savere
those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream.
The segments in 'Sanu ik pal...' bring the same phrase to mind. The vocal callisthenics of NFAK and the accompanying singer need to be heard to be believed. (2:50 - 3:50; 5:25-5:40; 6:58-7:48; 7:09-7:16)
yaar yaar kookaan
chhadd yaar gaya
labbhaan yaar nu labhda yaar naahi
bulle shah jahaan de yaar bajhon
mazaa yaariyan da vajhon yaar nahi
khair deen shah yaar bin bhatt jeevan
kol yaar de je kar yaar naahi
And then, another day, another chapter, same tripe.
.....
raati main jalaavan diva
hanjhuan de tel da
- wouldn't a translation just kill the spirit?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The One Where I just paste random links and call it a post
here we go now do-si-do now curtains up the show must go now
Some people can write about how they dislike their shoes, and it still makes for fascinating reading. Fascinating enough for some other people to go ":) I added her onto my reader".
So, hey there random reader from 2011, here's some obscure (in the digg / meme sense of the word) shit I shared on my google reader back in early 2009.
A fairly popular one was this incredibly creative use of graphjam on indian film lyrics. Check out Rajesh Khanna's algorithm of life. Speaking of Rajesh Khanna, someone recently made me watch, which is to say, he pasted it in my gtalk chat window, an atrocious video where Mr Khanna rubs some lotion or something on a skimpyly clad young lass who did not undergo classes on dialogue delivery. Anyhow, I wonder, did that stupid video acquire viral proportions? Did you, random reader from 2011, come across that video?
Read on if the 3 worst days for Anurag Kashyap's assistants on Dev D is something that interests you. Or read the description of a curious little prank that caused the Czech ambassador to be summoned to Bulgaria. It would be interesting to read the FML entry of the one who was at fault here.
I'm that irritating guy who points out grammatical mistakes where he finds it. The fact that I make tons of it myself notwithstanding. So, if you find that sort of shit interesting, then, you know, revert back to me.
One thoroughly recommended blog is this guy's. And if fundae is what you enjoy, as I do, then start with this one, which I regurgitated at any occasion I could fit it to at that time.
Not that there's anything wrong with it, but its already 2 am, and I have to get up in the morning and go be a lowly corporate cog. And I've only reached till February in my Google Reader. So the rest of this lazy post will have to wait.
ring-around-the-rosie the shows over you can all go home now
Some people can write about how they dislike their shoes, and it still makes for fascinating reading. Fascinating enough for some other people to go ":) I added her onto my reader".
So, hey there random reader from 2011, here's some obscure (in the digg / meme sense of the word) shit I shared on my google reader back in early 2009.
A fairly popular one was this incredibly creative use of graphjam on indian film lyrics. Check out Rajesh Khanna's algorithm of life. Speaking of Rajesh Khanna, someone recently made me watch, which is to say, he pasted it in my gtalk chat window, an atrocious video where Mr Khanna rubs some lotion or something on a skimpyly clad young lass who did not undergo classes on dialogue delivery. Anyhow, I wonder, did that stupid video acquire viral proportions? Did you, random reader from 2011, come across that video?
Read on if the 3 worst days for Anurag Kashyap's assistants on Dev D is something that interests you. Or read the description of a curious little prank that caused the Czech ambassador to be summoned to Bulgaria. It would be interesting to read the FML entry of the one who was at fault here.
I'm that irritating guy who points out grammatical mistakes where he finds it. The fact that I make tons of it myself notwithstanding. So, if you find that sort of shit interesting, then, you know, revert back to me.
One thoroughly recommended blog is this guy's. And if fundae is what you enjoy, as I do, then start with this one, which I regurgitated at any occasion I could fit it to at that time.
Not that there's anything wrong with it, but its already 2 am, and I have to get up in the morning and go be a lowly corporate cog. And I've only reached till February in my Google Reader. So the rest of this lazy post will have to wait.
ring-around-the-rosie the shows over you can all go home now
Monday, June 8, 2009
What The Doorman Said
Life Decisions.
There's no way the decision wont affect your whole life; its what its called.
How does one go about taking a big decision? Weighing the pros and cons, deliberating, discussing, and if you're neurotic, then a little bit of hyperventilating, and then doing what you always do - going by the instinct of that moment.
"If you don't know what you want," the doorman said, "you end up with a lot that you don't."
These words from Fight Club have never before rung so true to me. So how does one take Life Decisions when one doesn't know for sure what one wants?
For, what I want now and what I want some time later are two separate things. For, sometimes, in the night, I think I want something, and I act on it and I regret it in the morning. So how do I take life decisions based on what I want when once I get it I might realize I don't want it anymore?
There's no way the decision wont affect your whole life; its what its called.
How does one go about taking a big decision? Weighing the pros and cons, deliberating, discussing, and if you're neurotic, then a little bit of hyperventilating, and then doing what you always do - going by the instinct of that moment.
"If you don't know what you want," the doorman said, "you end up with a lot that you don't."
These words from Fight Club have never before rung so true to me. So how does one take Life Decisions when one doesn't know for sure what one wants?
For, what I want now and what I want some time later are two separate things. For, sometimes, in the night, I think I want something, and I act on it and I regret it in the morning. So how do I take life decisions based on what I want when once I get it I might realize I don't want it anymore?
Sometimes I get upset, cause I ain't blew up yet
It's like I grew up, but I ain't grow me two nuts yet
Don't gotta rep my step, don't got enough pep
The pressure's too much man, I'm just tryin to do what's best
And I try, sit alone and I cry
Yo I won't tell no lie, not a moment goes by
That I don't pray to the sky, please I'm beggin you God
Please don't let me be pigeon holed in no regular job
A life lived with movies, books, music, writing, consumption and production of creative output; and voluntary solitude. Or a life spent following a template considered sacrosanct by all and sundry. The choice should have been obvious. The decision a non-decision. The path, natural.
You think I don't know you Alexander? I can look inside your memories, Your nightmares, your dreams. You're a man haunted by those two most terrible words, What If?
In the only life I have, why do I choose to choose security over the call of the conscience? Diffidence is a motherfucker.
How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on – hit me, before I lose my nerve.
Hit Me. Before I lose my nerve.
---------------
And in true tradition of the unread ranting blogger who updates his blog once in several months, but each time feels that this time he will be more regular. You know, the ones who have this as their last post on their blog, 3 months after their second last post - "I guess I have ignored this blog for long. But I will post more regularly from now on". Mr. "Its for my sake; I dont care about anyone reading it. " Yeah, so in true tradition of that ilk, I'll be making the following future posts -
Revival with Relapse - Marshall Mathers. Eminem. Slim Shady. Relapse. What it meant.
Dear Louise - To the random reader of my posts in 2011 (hah) who decides to do some back reading. This sorry excuse for a blog is for you.
A crush in the blogosphere. What are the mechanics of putting blade on a girl you've never seen, but are in love with the writing of whom. My English teachers will not be proud of me.
It's like I grew up, but I ain't grow me two nuts yet
Don't gotta rep my step, don't got enough pep
The pressure's too much man, I'm just tryin to do what's best
And I try, sit alone and I cry
Yo I won't tell no lie, not a moment goes by
That I don't pray to the sky, please I'm beggin you God
Please don't let me be pigeon holed in no regular job
A life lived with movies, books, music, writing, consumption and production of creative output; and voluntary solitude. Or a life spent following a template considered sacrosanct by all and sundry. The choice should have been obvious. The decision a non-decision. The path, natural.
You think I don't know you Alexander? I can look inside your memories, Your nightmares, your dreams. You're a man haunted by those two most terrible words, What If?
In the only life I have, why do I choose to choose security over the call of the conscience? Diffidence is a motherfucker.
How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on – hit me, before I lose my nerve.
Hit Me. Before I lose my nerve.
---------------
And in true tradition of the unread ranting blogger who updates his blog once in several months, but each time feels that this time he will be more regular. You know, the ones who have this as their last post on their blog, 3 months after their second last post - "I guess I have ignored this blog for long. But I will post more regularly from now on". Mr. "Its for my sake; I dont care about anyone reading it. " Yeah, so in true tradition of that ilk, I'll be making the following future posts -
Revival with Relapse - Marshall Mathers. Eminem. Slim Shady. Relapse. What it meant.
Dear Louise - To the random reader of my posts in 2011 (hah) who decides to do some back reading. This sorry excuse for a blog is for you.
A crush in the blogosphere. What are the mechanics of putting blade on a girl you've never seen, but are in love with the writing of whom. My English teachers will not be proud of me.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Revolutionary Road: Anal-ysis
23.02.09 1.34 AM
A few weeks ago, I saw No Smoking, and I thought it was one of the best hindi movies i had seen for a long time. There was a lot I wanted to write about the philosophy and psychology of that film, about how I interpreted it, and the mood it created for me, and the nuances in its construction that I thought I was special to have observed, and the metaphors I thought it speaked through. I postponed the writing of all that, and in the end I did not write it at all. Today, I would be hard pressed to be able to explain what I found so brilliant about the film, other than a few comparisons with David Lynch films and the dream vs reality motif of the film.
I just saw Sam Mendes' Revolutionary Road and though I dont think myself capable enough to be able to express its brilliance, I would do a worse job of it if I tried it any later.
In fact, 'brilliance' of a movie or any other art piece, I think, is an incorrect phrasing to use. The phrasing that should be used instead, is that the movie spoke brilliantly to my aesthetic sensibilities. Well, you could put it in a less anal retentive way as that I liked the movie a lot. It is futile to call a movie in absolutes of either being brilliant or pathetic, because the nature of such superlatives changes from person to person. There is never a consensus on what is truly a good or a bad movie. And which movie is better than the other, unless appended by a person's own aesthetic opinion. There will be people who would find 'No Entry' to be superior to 'Shawshank Redemption', no matter how utterly blasphemous i find it to even write in a sentence about.
Back to the topic, 'Revolutionary Road', to me is a more important film than it would let on. It talks about issues that are the most fundamental, at least to me. The question it raised for me was - Can two people really perfectly co-exist with each other? If every creature is at the end of the day a creature motivated by his ego more than anything else, then can he really co-exist, because sooner or later an ego battle will surface. There is no way of that not happening. Another question was also based on the fundamental feeling in each individual that he is in some way special, that he's not like the rest of the boring masses who have resigned to their fate and will while away the time till no more time is left. What happens when someone tries to test out this theory?
Frank and April seemed to be an ideal couple. He was handsome and charming, she was beautiful and spontaneous. They met, fell in love and got married. She wanted to be an actress, he did not know what he wanted, but took each day as it came. Her acting career did not take off, he did not sound too supportive. They said mean things about each other. Things, said obviously to just hurt the other person as mercilessly as possible. Because when that slinging match starts, your ego wins only if both parties concur that you were able to hurt the other person more than he hurt you. And you forget that you did not sleep nights because you were too enamored thinking about her; or that you did not ever feel more warm and secure than the time you snuggled in his arms. All that matters is in this moment you must say the vilest, most hurtful, most damaging, most merciless thing that will make them pay for the pain that you perceive was caused to you because of them. Frank and April did the same. Multiple number of times, too. They fought, they cursed, they screamed to hurt, they poured out malevolence of the degree that you reserve only for those who you have loved, and hence given a part of yourself to. But, soon after they were back to their normal position. They aplogised, they kissed and made up. And they spoke with all their heart, "I love you". I dont think I could do it. If I fought with someone that way, if I spoke with the intention of hurting, and was spoken at with the same intention, I dont think I could ever go back to being 'normal'. But thats just me.
Frank and April. April suggests they should leave this dead end life and just go to Paris. After some wanderlust themed conversation, cursing the mundane spirit crushing empty hollow nature of everyone's life, Frank agrees. Maybe he was just guilty about having cheated on April, and wanted to make it up by agreeing or maybe he did buy into it, but anyways the die was cast and preparations began. So did the incessant conversations with friends and colleagues. Are they crazy? Is it unrealistic? Immature? Naive? John the 'retarded' Ph.D son of their landlords was the only one who got them. He understood what they meant by the hopeless emptiness of their lives. He says plenty of people are on to the emptiness, but it takes guts to see the hopelessness. His parents are scandalised. "Are we crazy", Frank asks. "If being crazy means living life as if it matters, then I dont mind being completely insane" replies April. They kiss.
Frank takes it easy on his job, and is surprisingly rewarded. Now he'll get paid a lot more to do the work he hates. Suddenly, life here seems more comfortable, and the opportunity cost of leaving everything and moving is a lot more.
To a mathematician, the problem was this - Earlier, I was risking Rs 10 and there was a probability x, that I will get Rs 100, and a probability 1-x that I'll be left with only Rs 2. Now, I am risking Rs 40, with a 100 or 2 payoff with the same probability. So, my decision should hinge on whether I feel x is still sufficiently large or not.
But Frank is no mathematician. He sees the situation like this. At first, impulsively, "I cheated on her. And she'll be working and I'll get to do what I want. So, yeah, why not." But as the time actually comes to do stuff, to quit a job and a steady source of income, which has recently been increased and he can now finally be considered as more than before in the eyes of the people he worked with - "Wait a second, I haven't really had the chance to think about it properly. It is what she wants to do, and who knows what she'll want later. When I said I loved Paris, I was just making conversation. How can she be thinking about aborting the baby. She did not tell me about it. God knows what other things she did not tell me about. Its uncertain, and if it were the right thing, I'd have felt it. I dont have the right kind of feeling about it." So, Frank says let me see if I can even influence it. I may still decide to go, let me test how much in control I really am. He tries. April, obviously, was already scared enough having put herself out there with the idea, and cannot take more of this resistance. Only one person's ego can win. The battle begins. "I hate you so much" "I care about you so less that you are not worth the effort it will take for me to hit you" "Leave me alone" "Get the fuck out of MY house" and so on.
The thing is she was back in their home and they had the most wonderfully cold, air-pregnant-with-temporary-forced-reconciliation breakfast together, where to shatter all illusions of being special in any minutest of ways, he explains to her the workings of vacuum tube based computers. "Its interesting", she says. "Yeah, I guess, it is interesting in a way", he replies. They kiss. He leaves for work. i think she will just leave. Leave her kids, leave her friends and her life, and just quit everything cold turkey. And maybe she planned to. But what she did was try to self-abort her unborn. And in the process, killed herself. "She did it to herself", wailed Frank. I'm not sure.
Frank moves on to caring for the kids. Their landlords discuss them, as the husband turns down the volume on his hearing aid to avoid listening to the ramblings of his wife of 50 yrs. Can humans really co-exist?
------------------------------------------
Isn' it better that they live alone, just do their own thing, not having to subject themselves to any other person's ego. Have sex with whoever will have sex with them. Just do what they like at other times. But that damn illusion of 'spiritual' love. What to do of it?
I don't know dude.
A few weeks ago, I saw No Smoking, and I thought it was one of the best hindi movies i had seen for a long time. There was a lot I wanted to write about the philosophy and psychology of that film, about how I interpreted it, and the mood it created for me, and the nuances in its construction that I thought I was special to have observed, and the metaphors I thought it speaked through. I postponed the writing of all that, and in the end I did not write it at all. Today, I would be hard pressed to be able to explain what I found so brilliant about the film, other than a few comparisons with David Lynch films and the dream vs reality motif of the film.
I just saw Sam Mendes' Revolutionary Road and though I dont think myself capable enough to be able to express its brilliance, I would do a worse job of it if I tried it any later.
In fact, 'brilliance' of a movie or any other art piece, I think, is an incorrect phrasing to use. The phrasing that should be used instead, is that the movie spoke brilliantly to my aesthetic sensibilities. Well, you could put it in a less anal retentive way as that I liked the movie a lot. It is futile to call a movie in absolutes of either being brilliant or pathetic, because the nature of such superlatives changes from person to person. There is never a consensus on what is truly a good or a bad movie. And which movie is better than the other, unless appended by a person's own aesthetic opinion. There will be people who would find 'No Entry' to be superior to 'Shawshank Redemption', no matter how utterly blasphemous i find it to even write in a sentence about.
Back to the topic, 'Revolutionary Road', to me is a more important film than it would let on. It talks about issues that are the most fundamental, at least to me. The question it raised for me was - Can two people really perfectly co-exist with each other? If every creature is at the end of the day a creature motivated by his ego more than anything else, then can he really co-exist, because sooner or later an ego battle will surface. There is no way of that not happening. Another question was also based on the fundamental feeling in each individual that he is in some way special, that he's not like the rest of the boring masses who have resigned to their fate and will while away the time till no more time is left. What happens when someone tries to test out this theory?
Frank and April seemed to be an ideal couple. He was handsome and charming, she was beautiful and spontaneous. They met, fell in love and got married. She wanted to be an actress, he did not know what he wanted, but took each day as it came. Her acting career did not take off, he did not sound too supportive. They said mean things about each other. Things, said obviously to just hurt the other person as mercilessly as possible. Because when that slinging match starts, your ego wins only if both parties concur that you were able to hurt the other person more than he hurt you. And you forget that you did not sleep nights because you were too enamored thinking about her; or that you did not ever feel more warm and secure than the time you snuggled in his arms. All that matters is in this moment you must say the vilest, most hurtful, most damaging, most merciless thing that will make them pay for the pain that you perceive was caused to you because of them. Frank and April did the same. Multiple number of times, too. They fought, they cursed, they screamed to hurt, they poured out malevolence of the degree that you reserve only for those who you have loved, and hence given a part of yourself to. But, soon after they were back to their normal position. They aplogised, they kissed and made up. And they spoke with all their heart, "I love you". I dont think I could do it. If I fought with someone that way, if I spoke with the intention of hurting, and was spoken at with the same intention, I dont think I could ever go back to being 'normal'. But thats just me.
Frank and April. April suggests they should leave this dead end life and just go to Paris. After some wanderlust themed conversation, cursing the mundane spirit crushing empty hollow nature of everyone's life, Frank agrees. Maybe he was just guilty about having cheated on April, and wanted to make it up by agreeing or maybe he did buy into it, but anyways the die was cast and preparations began. So did the incessant conversations with friends and colleagues. Are they crazy? Is it unrealistic? Immature? Naive? John the 'retarded' Ph.D son of their landlords was the only one who got them. He understood what they meant by the hopeless emptiness of their lives. He says plenty of people are on to the emptiness, but it takes guts to see the hopelessness. His parents are scandalised. "Are we crazy", Frank asks. "If being crazy means living life as if it matters, then I dont mind being completely insane" replies April. They kiss.
Frank takes it easy on his job, and is surprisingly rewarded. Now he'll get paid a lot more to do the work he hates. Suddenly, life here seems more comfortable, and the opportunity cost of leaving everything and moving is a lot more.
To a mathematician, the problem was this - Earlier, I was risking Rs 10 and there was a probability x, that I will get Rs 100, and a probability 1-x that I'll be left with only Rs 2. Now, I am risking Rs 40, with a 100 or 2 payoff with the same probability. So, my decision should hinge on whether I feel x is still sufficiently large or not.
But Frank is no mathematician. He sees the situation like this. At first, impulsively, "I cheated on her. And she'll be working and I'll get to do what I want. So, yeah, why not." But as the time actually comes to do stuff, to quit a job and a steady source of income, which has recently been increased and he can now finally be considered as more than before in the eyes of the people he worked with - "Wait a second, I haven't really had the chance to think about it properly. It is what she wants to do, and who knows what she'll want later. When I said I loved Paris, I was just making conversation. How can she be thinking about aborting the baby. She did not tell me about it. God knows what other things she did not tell me about. Its uncertain, and if it were the right thing, I'd have felt it. I dont have the right kind of feeling about it." So, Frank says let me see if I can even influence it. I may still decide to go, let me test how much in control I really am. He tries. April, obviously, was already scared enough having put herself out there with the idea, and cannot take more of this resistance. Only one person's ego can win. The battle begins. "I hate you so much" "I care about you so less that you are not worth the effort it will take for me to hit you" "Leave me alone" "Get the fuck out of MY house" and so on.
The thing is she was back in their home and they had the most wonderfully cold, air-pregnant-with-temporary-forced-reconciliation breakfast together, where to shatter all illusions of being special in any minutest of ways, he explains to her the workings of vacuum tube based computers. "Its interesting", she says. "Yeah, I guess, it is interesting in a way", he replies. They kiss. He leaves for work. i think she will just leave. Leave her kids, leave her friends and her life, and just quit everything cold turkey. And maybe she planned to. But what she did was try to self-abort her unborn. And in the process, killed herself. "She did it to herself", wailed Frank. I'm not sure.
Frank moves on to caring for the kids. Their landlords discuss them, as the husband turns down the volume on his hearing aid to avoid listening to the ramblings of his wife of 50 yrs. Can humans really co-exist?
------------------------------------------
Isn' it better that they live alone, just do their own thing, not having to subject themselves to any other person's ego. Have sex with whoever will have sex with them. Just do what they like at other times. But that damn illusion of 'spiritual' love. What to do of it?
I don't know dude.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
The IWMFS Condition
22.02.09 1.52 AM
The IWMFS Condition
"I cried because I had no shoes, till I saw a man who had no feet"
I'm not usually a fan of corny quotes, but this one has made me pause and think from time to time.
Many, I wanna say most, of us are blessed with consistently good health, loving families who are also healthy, and reasonably good food, clothing, shelter, and yes, shoes. But we all cry for our metaphorical shoes all the while knowing fully well that millions around us are living their lives without their metaphorical feet.
The problem is that we are surrounded by people who seem to have their shoes on. And we are tired of being around shoe wearing snobbish, smug bastards who refuse to treat us the way we want to be treated. And this is also when the karmic connundrum bothers us, and we scream - "I hate the fact that the people who have been mean to me and who are generally horrible excuses for human beings get shoes while i have to walk bare feet when I have been nothing but caring for my fellow beings. Why do i get this lot when I have been nothing but upright? I don't care if people nicer than me don't have feet, I want my fucking shoes."
And that, ladies and germs, is The IWMFS condition.
The IWMFS Condition
"I cried because I had no shoes, till I saw a man who had no feet"
I'm not usually a fan of corny quotes, but this one has made me pause and think from time to time.
Many, I wanna say most, of us are blessed with consistently good health, loving families who are also healthy, and reasonably good food, clothing, shelter, and yes, shoes. But we all cry for our metaphorical shoes all the while knowing fully well that millions around us are living their lives without their metaphorical feet.
The problem is that we are surrounded by people who seem to have their shoes on. And we are tired of being around shoe wearing snobbish, smug bastards who refuse to treat us the way we want to be treated. And this is also when the karmic connundrum bothers us, and we scream - "I hate the fact that the people who have been mean to me and who are generally horrible excuses for human beings get shoes while i have to walk bare feet when I have been nothing but caring for my fellow beings. Why do i get this lot when I have been nothing but upright? I don't care if people nicer than me don't have feet, I want my fucking shoes."
And that, ladies and germs, is The IWMFS condition.
Candy
"The only clear thought I had as a kid was, 'Get candy. Get candy get candy get candy get candy get candy.' Family, friends, school they were just obstacles in the way of Getting. More. Candy!"
- Jerry Seinfeld
There exists a grown up version of 'Candy'. Its basically anything which is the end objective of all endeavours. It is something you'd want to do / have, even on the last day before you die. Something that can give you pleasure and peace no matter what the other circumstances in your life. For some, like MAS, for example, it could be reading books. For others it could be listening to music, and not like every other dufus and dufee who say "Oh, i love listening to music" coz they dont have any goddamn passion. I'm talking about true music lovers who'd discern the slightest finesses in instrumentation and would live and die for that stuff. Like Tom Farrell. For others' still, it could just be being around the ones they love. Travel, Photography, Making Films, writing, whatever. Just anything that gives you fire, that you wont mind doing even if you have just 5 more minutes to live.
One's got to find his 'candy'. Because if you do, then you can tolerate the rest of the bullshit of the world. Because life can be one bull crap of a moment after another. The crap doesn't stop, but you can take it if there is candy at the end of it.
"Family, friends, school they were just obstacles in the way of Getting. More. Candy!"
Job shit, Relationship troubles, other pains in the asses are just obstacles to reach the candy. They are necessary evils.
Gotta find yo' candy.
Not that there is nothing in life but candy. But your other pleasures would always be lesser than the pleasure you get out of candy. Candy is what you go through other stuff for.
"So when the first time you hear the concept of Halloween as a kid, your brain can't even process the idea. What is this, what did you say? Someone is giving out candy? Who is giving out candy?
EVERYONE WE KNOW IS JUST GIVING OUT CANDY?!"
Yeah ... maybe the analogy only stretches so far ... maybe not even that much.
I don't know dude.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Random Writing - Shit seen in the past few days
21.02.09 3.07 AM
I write for myself.
[Arriving somewhere but not here - porcupine Tree]
I just realize that I have forgotten whether, while appending the current song, I used to write the artist's name first or the song's title.
I saw a lot of stuff these past few days, and I am here to write about it. Why? I don't know dude. I just felt at sometime that it would be a waste if i did not carry forward something from all this superb-stuff-watching. And, apparently, you cant carry forward shit unless you write about it. So, here be me. Oh shoot! the coke bottle is almost empty.
Shit seen in the past few days -
Scrubs Seasons 1-8, except season 5. Why not S5? Well, for S1-7 it was all repeat viewing, and S5 just seemed too recently viewed. What to say, it was more or less consistently funny, often brilliant. Dr Cox's rants, Kelso's quips and JD's expressions. Killer stuff. Elliot with the 'fricks', Janitor with his tricks. (That was saaaad, man ... I know)
So, what to take forward. Maybe the ability to rant like Dr Cox. For one time be able to smash the perfect rant to an annoying colleague. To be able to emphatically say to someone sitting next to you, when an annoying collegaue arrives, "Say, (name) did you order any of the pain in the ass?" (the friend should dutifully shake his head at this time) "We didn't order any of the pain in the ass." You know, something like that. Nothing re-he-he-he-he-ally fancy. Maybe to be able to convincingly call a junior Nancy or Sally or Stephanie. And of course the answer to everything that comes up that you don't care about - "Hey, what has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap?" (Point to yourself with both thumbs, don't forget that. That's the all important part.)
[Khwaja mere khwaja - AR Rahman]
I saw 3 of the oscar nominations of this year.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Slow start, picked up progressively as Brad Pitt started to look better. (Duuuude... wth) People said this to me and even I felt it that somewhere it was too Forrest Gump-ish. The coincidences and the sailing thing; the traveling the world business and the deliberately down to earth narration. Have precious little to offer as a review, don't know how film critics gas about all this stuff. The philosophical track at the end was suitably mellow. Decent flick.
[Cindy - Tammany Hall]
The Reader - I was initially put off by the british accents and the colours and the pace. But soon came the seduction and I was hooked. Sure, the boy was underaged and maybe it was morally horrible on Hannah Scmitz' part, but still, a titillating watch. And what is with Hollywood and male frontal nudity this year? Saw 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' a few days ago, crap movie, in the end, but unapologetic nudity. Anyhow, 'The Reader' had its moments in the debates on the guilt of the guards at Auschwitz and the inner struggle of Michael, played poorly by Ralph Fiennes. No sympathies really for him, even after he sent countless tapes for Hannah to listen to. Overall, decent flick. No great climax, though.
[O Saya - AR Rahman]
Frost / Nixon - Ron Howard is a genius. He built up this political interview movie like a sports movie. Throughout. Did not break the sports movie character for a moment. It was a boxing match between the rookie Frost and the heavyweight Nixon. And when Frost was not able to pin Nixon when discussing Vietnam and Cambodia, which can be seen to be the home turf for the underdogs, the climax would come when he will then beat him at his own ground. Of course, Frost was a character full of flaws. He was lazy, unprepared, insincere and more a performer than a journalist, but Nixon gave him one shot by setting things rolling with a candid phone call and Frost took the ball past the whatever line in Rugby you take the ball past over.
[Man Mohana - AR Rahman]
Frost / Nixon, thus does become my choice for winning the Oscar this time around, and Ron Howard for director. I do fear that the stupid hype that will be created in India if Slumdog were to win the Oscar would be unbearable.
I write for myself.
[Arriving somewhere but not here - porcupine Tree]
I just realize that I have forgotten whether, while appending the current song, I used to write the artist's name first or the song's title.
I saw a lot of stuff these past few days, and I am here to write about it. Why? I don't know dude. I just felt at sometime that it would be a waste if i did not carry forward something from all this superb-stuff-watching. And, apparently, you cant carry forward shit unless you write about it. So, here be me. Oh shoot! the coke bottle is almost empty.
Shit seen in the past few days -
Scrubs Seasons 1-8, except season 5. Why not S5? Well, for S1-7 it was all repeat viewing, and S5 just seemed too recently viewed. What to say, it was more or less consistently funny, often brilliant. Dr Cox's rants, Kelso's quips and JD's expressions. Killer stuff. Elliot with the 'fricks', Janitor with his tricks. (That was saaaad, man ... I know)
So, what to take forward. Maybe the ability to rant like Dr Cox. For one time be able to smash the perfect rant to an annoying colleague. To be able to emphatically say to someone sitting next to you, when an annoying collegaue arrives, "Say, (name) did you order any of the pain in the ass?" (the friend should dutifully shake his head at this time) "We didn't order any of the pain in the ass." You know, something like that. Nothing re-he-he-he-he-ally fancy. Maybe to be able to convincingly call a junior Nancy or Sally or Stephanie. And of course the answer to everything that comes up that you don't care about - "Hey, what has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap?" (Point to yourself with both thumbs, don't forget that. That's the all important part.)
[Khwaja mere khwaja - AR Rahman]
I saw 3 of the oscar nominations of this year.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Slow start, picked up progressively as Brad Pitt started to look better. (Duuuude... wth) People said this to me and even I felt it that somewhere it was too Forrest Gump-ish. The coincidences and the sailing thing; the traveling the world business and the deliberately down to earth narration. Have precious little to offer as a review, don't know how film critics gas about all this stuff. The philosophical track at the end was suitably mellow. Decent flick.
[Cindy - Tammany Hall]
The Reader - I was initially put off by the british accents and the colours and the pace. But soon came the seduction and I was hooked. Sure, the boy was underaged and maybe it was morally horrible on Hannah Scmitz' part, but still, a titillating watch. And what is with Hollywood and male frontal nudity this year? Saw 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' a few days ago, crap movie, in the end, but unapologetic nudity. Anyhow, 'The Reader' had its moments in the debates on the guilt of the guards at Auschwitz and the inner struggle of Michael, played poorly by Ralph Fiennes. No sympathies really for him, even after he sent countless tapes for Hannah to listen to. Overall, decent flick. No great climax, though.
[O Saya - AR Rahman]
Frost / Nixon - Ron Howard is a genius. He built up this political interview movie like a sports movie. Throughout. Did not break the sports movie character for a moment. It was a boxing match between the rookie Frost and the heavyweight Nixon. And when Frost was not able to pin Nixon when discussing Vietnam and Cambodia, which can be seen to be the home turf for the underdogs, the climax would come when he will then beat him at his own ground. Of course, Frost was a character full of flaws. He was lazy, unprepared, insincere and more a performer than a journalist, but Nixon gave him one shot by setting things rolling with a candid phone call and Frost took the ball past the whatever line in Rugby you take the ball past over.
[Man Mohana - AR Rahman]
Frost / Nixon, thus does become my choice for winning the Oscar this time around, and Ron Howard for director. I do fear that the stupid hype that will be created in India if Slumdog were to win the Oscar would be unbearable.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
How will this end?
I live on the second floor of a building. Right above the third floor, there is the terrace. Its a beautiful terrace; wide, spacious and kisses the sky. Its only a small flight of stairs and I can be there; except that I can't. A locked door stops me, and requested as I have, the building society's caretakers just wont have the door open. Its a strange feeling, standing at that door. The terrace is right there, I can see it, but I can't get to it.
With that terrace though, I can get to it if I take a circumvented route, and go down two flights of stairs, then climb three more flights of stairs from the other wing of the building. I can reach it and enjoy the terrace. Its not the same obviously as having it right there, and I never really go to it, but at least I know that I can if I want to.
But there are other 'terraces' which don't have that other open door. There is just one door, and its locked, and it wont ever be opened. And I know that it would never be opened. Yet I stand near it, looking over at the vista that could have been.
With that terrace though, I can get to it if I take a circumvented route, and go down two flights of stairs, then climb three more flights of stairs from the other wing of the building. I can reach it and enjoy the terrace. Its not the same obviously as having it right there, and I never really go to it, but at least I know that I can if I want to.
But there are other 'terraces' which don't have that other open door. There is just one door, and its locked, and it wont ever be opened. And I know that it would never be opened. Yet I stand near it, looking over at the vista that could have been.
I'm sorry but I meant to say
Many things along the way
This one's for you
Have I told you I ache?
Have I told you I ache?
Have I told you I ache
For you?
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Incurvatus in se
For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. - Romans 7:18, 19
story of my life, told, what, 2000 years ago?
"Incurvatus in se (Latin: turned/curved inward on oneself) is a theological phrase describing a life lived "inward" for self rather than "outward" for God and others."
A life lived for self rather than for God and others.
Apply criteria stringent enough, and whose life does this statement not describe?
my ambitions for my life are completely selfish. from so many of the fantasized futures that i envision for it, one of the most preferred ones is a life lived in solitudinal travel, making money through a laptop, internet connection and some acquired skill, and spending the lot of leisure time i will be hopefully left with, in pursuits such as books, movies, music, writing, learning and pursuing perfection of new sports and musical instruments. selfishness. utter and absolute.
keep a beggar or anyone underpriveleged in front of me, and that would be all i can think of. remove him from in front of my eyes, and it would be as if he never existed. when in their presence, i think of how can people spend hundreds of million dollars on a canvas with some colours on it, when millions of other people struggle to sleep each day because they do not have food to feed themselves or a roof to provide for their children. how can i think of spending thousands of rupees on a vacation, which would provide me with, what, a week of unadultered leisure and a few new experiences, when that money could have saved someone from commiting suicide.
but think is all i do, and that too, seldom. perhaps thats one more reason i want a life of solitude. to try and convince myself that that world out there no longer exists. i sit in the dark, and write this and am unable to see anything past the light from my laptop, and unable to hear anything other than the mellow music in my ears, and it is as if nothing other than this exists. the solitudinal life will be a feeble attempt to trick my conscience away from the moral responsibility to do something for the underpriveleged, when i am in a position of privilege. hand me a lavish meal and i wont be able to gulp it down if a famished guy is in my radar. my incredible ability to be myopic is both surprising and the reason i live in sanity.
sanity sucks, says Rahul Pandita
For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
story of my life, told, what, 2000 years ago?
"Incurvatus in se (Latin: turned/curved inward on oneself) is a theological phrase describing a life lived "inward" for self rather than "outward" for God and others."
A life lived for self rather than for God and others.
Apply criteria stringent enough, and whose life does this statement not describe?
my ambitions for my life are completely selfish. from so many of the fantasized futures that i envision for it, one of the most preferred ones is a life lived in solitudinal travel, making money through a laptop, internet connection and some acquired skill, and spending the lot of leisure time i will be hopefully left with, in pursuits such as books, movies, music, writing, learning and pursuing perfection of new sports and musical instruments. selfishness. utter and absolute.
keep a beggar or anyone underpriveleged in front of me, and that would be all i can think of. remove him from in front of my eyes, and it would be as if he never existed. when in their presence, i think of how can people spend hundreds of million dollars on a canvas with some colours on it, when millions of other people struggle to sleep each day because they do not have food to feed themselves or a roof to provide for their children. how can i think of spending thousands of rupees on a vacation, which would provide me with, what, a week of unadultered leisure and a few new experiences, when that money could have saved someone from commiting suicide.
but think is all i do, and that too, seldom. perhaps thats one more reason i want a life of solitude. to try and convince myself that that world out there no longer exists. i sit in the dark, and write this and am unable to see anything past the light from my laptop, and unable to hear anything other than the mellow music in my ears, and it is as if nothing other than this exists. the solitudinal life will be a feeble attempt to trick my conscience away from the moral responsibility to do something for the underpriveleged, when i am in a position of privilege. hand me a lavish meal and i wont be able to gulp it down if a famished guy is in my radar. my incredible ability to be myopic is both surprising and the reason i live in sanity.
sanity sucks, says Rahul Pandita
For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
That feeling, you can only say what it is in Korean - Han
"There is no literal English translation. It's a state of mind. Of soul, really. A sadness. A sadness so deep no tears will come. And yet still there's hope." - Bartlet describing Han.
so what would possess me to update a dead blog 3 months later at 530 am?
i dont know dude.
so what would possess me to update a dead blog 3 months later at 530 am?
i dont know dude.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The Happiness Transference Quotient (TM)
[Euphoria - Mehfuz]
zindagi hai dhuan to kya
bujh gayi har subah to kya
The Happiness Quotient Theory OR The proof of 'Love Thy Neightbour'
Hypothesis - If you love one person, then you must love everyone else too.
Lets say you love a person X, or so you claim.
So lets first clarify what it means to love someone.
To start off - lets say you are friends with a person Y.
Then, if something makes Y happy or sad, then it also affects you, at least slightly.
Hence, if winning some prize gives Y a 100 units of happiness, then it is also making you happier by, say, 30 units. You are happy in your friend's happiness. Similarly, if something is making Y sad, it is also making you sadder by 0.3 times his sadness.
So, what i am saying essentially, is that stuff happening to you makes you happier or sadder by a multiple of 1 times its utility value, whereas stuff which causes happiness or sadness to your friends, indirectly causes you happiness or sadness by a multiple of less than 1. Depending on how strong a friend a person is to you, his "Happiness Transference Quotient" (TM) will be closer and closer to 1.
Now, What is Love?
tere hothon ke kisi kone mein
hasi ki tarah, main mehfuz hun
teri aankhon ke chhipe dard mein
aansu ki tarah, main mehfuz hun
If you love someone, truly completely love someone, head over heels, etc. then how much of their happiness and sadness would be transferred to you? 1 times? More than 1 times? How much more? n times? Infinity?
Lets say the number would be greater than one, less than infinity. Or for theoretical purposes, lets say it will be infinity. (Because, any other number would be silly - you are in love if their sadness makes you 3.45 times as depressed or more, otherwise not ... silly)
So, you are in love with someone, X. Now, lets say X is in love with another person, Z. Now, what is your attitude towards Z? What is generally observed is - jealousy, dislike etc stemming from a desire to possess the one you love. You want X just for yourself, s/he should be mine and no one else's. But after a bit of reflection, the attitude generally filters to being something out of this scene from Bruce Almighty -
God: Grace. You want her back?
Bruce: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.
God: Now THAT'S a prayer.
beasar hai dua to kya
ho gaye hum judaa to kya
Right, this is all fine - wanting the best for the one you love. How is this figuring in my ... er... theory? Well, if the one you love, X, loves someone else, Z, then Z's happiness makes X infinitely happier, thereby making you infinitely happier. Hence, even if treating Z kindly was making you miserable, that misery would be just 1 times the number of units of disutility you feel, whereas something good happening to Z should ideally make you infinitely happier. That is, if you love X, and X, Z.
So, what love is doing is, introducing the infinity factor into the picture. Now, since everybody in the world is bound to be connected with you at n degrees of separation, your actions are always affecting someone who is loved by someone who is loved by somoeone who is loved by someone you love. (its not brilliantly put, but you should get the gist)
Hence, you have to treat everyone the way you would the one you love. i.e. care as much for their happiness, sadness, etc. (including yourself, yes, because even you are somehow connected into this loop) And, that, kids, is what I think 'Love thy Neighbour' means.
raaz gehre hazaaron bepanaah
lafz thehre hazaaron bezubaan
zindagi hai dhuan to kya
bujh gayi har subah to kya
The Happiness Quotient Theory OR The proof of 'Love Thy Neightbour'
Hypothesis - If you love one person, then you must love everyone else too.
Lets say you love a person X, or so you claim.
So lets first clarify what it means to love someone.
To start off - lets say you are friends with a person Y.
Then, if something makes Y happy or sad, then it also affects you, at least slightly.
Hence, if winning some prize gives Y a 100 units of happiness, then it is also making you happier by, say, 30 units. You are happy in your friend's happiness. Similarly, if something is making Y sad, it is also making you sadder by 0.3 times his sadness.
So, what i am saying essentially, is that stuff happening to you makes you happier or sadder by a multiple of 1 times its utility value, whereas stuff which causes happiness or sadness to your friends, indirectly causes you happiness or sadness by a multiple of less than 1. Depending on how strong a friend a person is to you, his "Happiness Transference Quotient" (TM) will be closer and closer to 1.
Now, What is Love?
tere hothon ke kisi kone mein
hasi ki tarah, main mehfuz hun
teri aankhon ke chhipe dard mein
aansu ki tarah, main mehfuz hun
If you love someone, truly completely love someone, head over heels, etc. then how much of their happiness and sadness would be transferred to you? 1 times? More than 1 times? How much more? n times? Infinity?
Lets say the number would be greater than one, less than infinity. Or for theoretical purposes, lets say it will be infinity. (Because, any other number would be silly - you are in love if their sadness makes you 3.45 times as depressed or more, otherwise not ... silly)
So, you are in love with someone, X. Now, lets say X is in love with another person, Z. Now, what is your attitude towards Z? What is generally observed is - jealousy, dislike etc stemming from a desire to possess the one you love. You want X just for yourself, s/he should be mine and no one else's. But after a bit of reflection, the attitude generally filters to being something out of this scene from Bruce Almighty -
God: Grace. You want her back?
Bruce: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.
God: Now THAT'S a prayer.
beasar hai dua to kya
ho gaye hum judaa to kya
Right, this is all fine - wanting the best for the one you love. How is this figuring in my ... er... theory? Well, if the one you love, X, loves someone else, Z, then Z's happiness makes X infinitely happier, thereby making you infinitely happier. Hence, even if treating Z kindly was making you miserable, that misery would be just 1 times the number of units of disutility you feel, whereas something good happening to Z should ideally make you infinitely happier. That is, if you love X, and X, Z.
So, what love is doing is, introducing the infinity factor into the picture. Now, since everybody in the world is bound to be connected with you at n degrees of separation, your actions are always affecting someone who is loved by someone who is loved by somoeone who is loved by someone you love. (its not brilliantly put, but you should get the gist)
Hence, you have to treat everyone the way you would the one you love. i.e. care as much for their happiness, sadness, etc. (including yourself, yes, because even you are somehow connected into this loop) And, that, kids, is what I think 'Love thy Neighbour' means.
raaz gehre hazaaron bepanaah
lafz thehre hazaaron bezubaan
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Kay Michaels - A Pilgrim's Life
Ed - Season 2 - Episode 7 - "The New World"
Ed: "You know, Mike, the Pilgrims had the first Thanksgiving, but they didn't actually have a lot to be thankful for, you know. They just pretended they did."
"The pilgrims lived in cold leaky cabinets, food was scarce, they were often attacked by wild animals"
Mike: "... and they wore those ridiculous hats"
Ed: "...thats right...but you know mike, for one day they just went ahead and they had a big meal and they chose to feel good, you know...they didnt let external circumstances dictate whether they were gonna feel thanks... they decided how they were going to feel, and they chose to feel good... how cool is that"
To me, this episode captured the essence of the show. Ed, the character and the show, was, and remains, an inspiration.
Ed: "Carol, pilgrims were amazing people. you know why?"
Carol: "Why"
Ed: "Because their lives sucked. Yet they still gave thanks. Gotta appreciate the sheer will power of that"
Carol: "they had something to be thankful for"
Ed: "do not be fooled Carol. When pilgrims came to the new world, their lives changed for the worse. things got tough."
Carol: "maybe in some ways. but, think of that phrase, "the new world" - they get to shed their past and open a whole new frontier of possibility - that is worth some temporary discomfort."
This episode includes the fictional book - 'A Pilgrim's Life' written by a fictional author Kay Michaels - this is not publicised in the show, its one of those easter eggs sort of a thing that few fans would bother to note. As it turns out, Kay Michaels was the art department coordinator on "Ed".
Ed: "We can be like the pilgrims, we can choose to be happy"
and, the thing is... the truth of the statement is apparent on a moment's reflection. we can choose to be happy. barring a few external extreme circumstances - deaths, great losses etc, most of the ordinary woes of human beings aren't really that profound. we can overcome them, ignore them, choose to be happy. yet we choose not to. we choose to give the knucklehead stuff the importance it does not deserve. vanity, egotism, self absorbed self-pity and similar crap consumes us. why is that?
Ed: "One frosty morning in England, the pilgrims set sail across the Atlantic and discovered a new world. And when they got here they discovered the land to be tough, punishing, took whatever they had just to survive, but these people, they chose to do more than just survive... they chose to live, they chose to lust for life;... instead of just trying to survive through the tough times, these people, they chose to celebrate, dance, laugh, sing, celebrate ... and on thanksgiving day, they threw one momma of a party ... now i know as much as anyone, times are tough - business isn't great; people aren't in a celebratory mood , but we are the backbone of Stuckeyville, and i say we suck it up and we show this town one heck of a good time ... i say we choose to be happy ... and we throw the best darn thanksgiving party that this town has ever seen"
this was the spirit of the show. It was established in Ep 16 - "Live Deliberately" (which along with 'Two Cathedrals' - The West Wing Season 2 Finale, i think is the greatest hour of television ever made). This spirit was also displayed in the episode where Eli describes his everyday struggles of being a cripple. Its Hukam Razai Chalna ... it is accepting the will of God, universe whatever ... it is, as Amitabh Bachchan, in his father's words would put it, - "Dil ka ho to achcha; dil ka na ho to zyada achcha". But, can I do it? It is all well to romanticize the show, build it to divine proportions, but when it would actually come to the living of it - can I be Ed Stevens?
Ed: "Mike, we are pilgrims. The whole town is pilgrims. Just choosing to be happy."
(they see Carol and Dennis laughing together in the sidelines)
Mike: "Come on pilgrim, keep marching. You choose. Be happy."
Ed: "that i do, mike. that i do."
Ed: "You know, Mike, the Pilgrims had the first Thanksgiving, but they didn't actually have a lot to be thankful for, you know. They just pretended they did."
"The pilgrims lived in cold leaky cabinets, food was scarce, they were often attacked by wild animals"
Mike: "... and they wore those ridiculous hats"
Ed: "...thats right...but you know mike, for one day they just went ahead and they had a big meal and they chose to feel good, you know...they didnt let external circumstances dictate whether they were gonna feel thanks... they decided how they were going to feel, and they chose to feel good... how cool is that"
To me, this episode captured the essence of the show. Ed, the character and the show, was, and remains, an inspiration.
Ed: "Carol, pilgrims were amazing people. you know why?"
Carol: "Why"
Ed: "Because their lives sucked. Yet they still gave thanks. Gotta appreciate the sheer will power of that"
Carol: "they had something to be thankful for"
Ed: "do not be fooled Carol. When pilgrims came to the new world, their lives changed for the worse. things got tough."
Carol: "maybe in some ways. but, think of that phrase, "the new world" - they get to shed their past and open a whole new frontier of possibility - that is worth some temporary discomfort."
This episode includes the fictional book - 'A Pilgrim's Life' written by a fictional author Kay Michaels - this is not publicised in the show, its one of those easter eggs sort of a thing that few fans would bother to note. As it turns out, Kay Michaels was the art department coordinator on "Ed".
Ed: "We can be like the pilgrims, we can choose to be happy"
and, the thing is... the truth of the statement is apparent on a moment's reflection. we can choose to be happy. barring a few external extreme circumstances - deaths, great losses etc, most of the ordinary woes of human beings aren't really that profound. we can overcome them, ignore them, choose to be happy. yet we choose not to. we choose to give the knucklehead stuff the importance it does not deserve. vanity, egotism, self absorbed self-pity and similar crap consumes us. why is that?
Ed: "One frosty morning in England, the pilgrims set sail across the Atlantic and discovered a new world. And when they got here they discovered the land to be tough, punishing, took whatever they had just to survive, but these people, they chose to do more than just survive... they chose to live, they chose to lust for life;... instead of just trying to survive through the tough times, these people, they chose to celebrate, dance, laugh, sing, celebrate ... and on thanksgiving day, they threw one momma of a party ... now i know as much as anyone, times are tough - business isn't great; people aren't in a celebratory mood , but we are the backbone of Stuckeyville, and i say we suck it up and we show this town one heck of a good time ... i say we choose to be happy ... and we throw the best darn thanksgiving party that this town has ever seen"
this was the spirit of the show. It was established in Ep 16 - "Live Deliberately" (which along with 'Two Cathedrals' - The West Wing Season 2 Finale, i think is the greatest hour of television ever made). This spirit was also displayed in the episode where Eli describes his everyday struggles of being a cripple. Its Hukam Razai Chalna ... it is accepting the will of God, universe whatever ... it is, as Amitabh Bachchan, in his father's words would put it, - "Dil ka ho to achcha; dil ka na ho to zyada achcha". But, can I do it? It is all well to romanticize the show, build it to divine proportions, but when it would actually come to the living of it - can I be Ed Stevens?
Ed: "Mike, we are pilgrims. The whole town is pilgrims. Just choosing to be happy."
(they see Carol and Dennis laughing together in the sidelines)
Mike: "Come on pilgrim, keep marching. You choose. Be happy."
Ed: "that i do, mike. that i do."
Friday, September 26, 2008
Sorkin.
this is going to be an annoying gush of a post.
[Audioslave - Out of Exile]
when you come down to take me home
send my soul away
its 5 am on some day in the last week of september.
i am about to watch The West Wing, Season 4, Episode 23 - "Twenty Five"
Why is this important to me?
This is now the only thing that Aaron Sorkin has ever written for the screen that i havent seen as yet. It started with A Few Good Men, continued with The American President. By that time I liked him, but wasnt in love with what he wrote till Matthew Perry decided to take up Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Matthew Perry, so i had to watch. But Sorkin was the one who kept me hooked. I loved every second of it, and Studio 60 is considered to be the least best of his works.
Then began the striving to watch other works of the master. I liked Malice, loved Sports Night, and have been worshipping The West Wing for some time now.
4 seasons of Toby, Josh, Sam, Donna, CJ, Charlie, Leo and Bartlet.
4 seasons of walk the talks, quickfire dialogue, witty comebacks, and editing par excellence.
And this is it. Nothing would be left after this episode. I am overdramatic. But Sorkin has been a very important part of my life. There will be the repeat viewings, which have a flavour of their own, but this is a cul-de-sac of sorts.
Aaron Sorkin, sir, you are a screenwriting god, and i shall worship at your altar forever. I thank you for the hundreds of hours of bliss I have felt watching each scene that you have written. Complete satiation.
Alright. Enough gushing. Twenty Five.
[Audioslave - Out of Exile]
when you come down to take me home
send my soul away
its 5 am on some day in the last week of september.
i am about to watch The West Wing, Season 4, Episode 23 - "Twenty Five"
Why is this important to me?
This is now the only thing that Aaron Sorkin has ever written for the screen that i havent seen as yet. It started with A Few Good Men, continued with The American President. By that time I liked him, but wasnt in love with what he wrote till Matthew Perry decided to take up Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Matthew Perry, so i had to watch. But Sorkin was the one who kept me hooked. I loved every second of it, and Studio 60 is considered to be the least best of his works.
Then began the striving to watch other works of the master. I liked Malice, loved Sports Night, and have been worshipping The West Wing for some time now.
4 seasons of Toby, Josh, Sam, Donna, CJ, Charlie, Leo and Bartlet.
4 seasons of walk the talks, quickfire dialogue, witty comebacks, and editing par excellence.
And this is it. Nothing would be left after this episode. I am overdramatic. But Sorkin has been a very important part of my life. There will be the repeat viewings, which have a flavour of their own, but this is a cul-de-sac of sorts.
Aaron Sorkin, sir, you are a screenwriting god, and i shall worship at your altar forever. I thank you for the hundreds of hours of bliss I have felt watching each scene that you have written. Complete satiation.
Alright. Enough gushing. Twenty Five.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
I want more of this, more 1876
[tum bas tum - wbhh2]
the day is spent in going through the motions. leading a life on auto-pilot. stimuli hit me and i react as a sleep-walker. if i lived the day a million times over, i'd react the same everytime. my reactions are programmed. my thoughts are the same.
[alvida - life in a metro]
things happen, life passes me by, am i more of an observer than an active participant in my life? rude, selfish responses or contrived fake smiles, whatever i choose, remorse always follows. remorse, which is both comfortable and disquieting in its temporariness. i'm not good with people. i have learned to live with it. there are social difficulties. mere interaction is work. i have learned to keep moving.
"life is not solely composed of tasks, but tastes" - Leopold tells Kate - i listen, aware that it is supposed to be a commentary on how we have stopped to pause and appreciate things, as we have evolved into a more efficient ant colony.
[chaha bhanwar trishna - sarkar raj]
the day ends. i am with my laptop, conversations, music and readings. blogs, thoughts, banter.
[you're missing - bruce springsteen] - this is the first time i'm listening to this song. as i type this, i wish this becomes one of those songs that grows on you. woody allen once said that he would give his right arm / a huge sum / something; - to listen to (some classical music piece) again for the first time.
the day ends. i sit in the dark. today, i am lucky and the tasks are behind me, or i can afford to put them off for the night. i sit. i explore. i like it. i want more of this, more solitude, more peace - less fake smiles on tv - hate the guests / hosts on talent competitions who laugh and smile without reason.
[Blue Eyes - Cary Brothers]
"judge not lest ye be judged" tells the bible... and aaron sorkin. i discuss with a friend about the politics and power struggle in our college. i lay judgements on them, and ask him to help me put a stop to their 'evil deeds'.
[kaisi hai yeh rut - dil chahta hai]
fuck moral superiority. fuck judging others. fuck caring about others' judgements.
Music.
"Lose yourself in the music, the moment. You own it, you better never let it go. "
music can be wonderful. we want to own things. to stamp our ownership. our right of possession. i love that girl. i want her to be mine. i want her to be mine, and no one else's. i want her to be in my control. i want to own her.
[tadap tadap - HDDCS]
not music. not music. i dont want to own music. i dont want to keep it just for myself. i want the world to have it, along with me. along with me, i want the world to appreciate it. the song i like, i want the world to appreciate it as much as i do. to feel the profoundness of the subtle intricacy of a moment in the song that maybe no one else noticed. a deliberate change in pitch, a subtle background instrument, a suddenly high tenor.
"gum ke khazaane milte hain phir, milti hain tanhayian / kabhi aansu kabhi aahein kabhi shikve kabhi naale, tera chehra nazar aaye / tera chehra nazar aaye "
love.
unrequited, the only form i know it in. i still miss those times when 'tera chehra nazar aaye' was true for me, and the force of love, enhanced by only fleeting encounters of the beloved, made me want to scream her name at the top of my voice.
[HDDCS - HDDCS]
"Marriage is the promise of eternal love. As a man of honor I cannot promise eternally what I've never felt momentarily", says Leopold.
[ankhon ki gustakhiyan - HDDCS]
its 3.40 AM - i'll stay awake for some more time still. aware, of course i am, of the workload of the coming week. i'll stay awake, still. i'll write. i'll think. i dont do that often enough. i miss it. i want more of this, more stream of consciousness, more randomness, more small surprises - like when you dont expect a song to work for you, but it does, and how. brilliant, those little moments. praise those artists, distributing these small moments.
[jhonka hawa ka - HDDCS]
"main dekhta hun chhup chhup ke tumko / mehsus karti hogi na"
i wonder if any of the three suspected anything, knew anything, felt anything. your indifference kills me, i wonder if you'll ever know it. i wonder if this knowledge would matter.
[rock on - rock on]
"Sunday is the day before the day I work, so it gets poisoned. I want more of this, more 1876", says Kate.
so do I.
the day is spent in going through the motions. leading a life on auto-pilot. stimuli hit me and i react as a sleep-walker. if i lived the day a million times over, i'd react the same everytime. my reactions are programmed. my thoughts are the same.
[alvida - life in a metro]
things happen, life passes me by, am i more of an observer than an active participant in my life? rude, selfish responses or contrived fake smiles, whatever i choose, remorse always follows. remorse, which is both comfortable and disquieting in its temporariness. i'm not good with people. i have learned to live with it. there are social difficulties. mere interaction is work. i have learned to keep moving.
"life is not solely composed of tasks, but tastes" - Leopold tells Kate - i listen, aware that it is supposed to be a commentary on how we have stopped to pause and appreciate things, as we have evolved into a more efficient ant colony.
[chaha bhanwar trishna - sarkar raj]
the day ends. i am with my laptop, conversations, music and readings. blogs, thoughts, banter.
[you're missing - bruce springsteen] - this is the first time i'm listening to this song. as i type this, i wish this becomes one of those songs that grows on you. woody allen once said that he would give his right arm / a huge sum / something; - to listen to (some classical music piece) again for the first time.
the day ends. i sit in the dark. today, i am lucky and the tasks are behind me, or i can afford to put them off for the night. i sit. i explore. i like it. i want more of this, more solitude, more peace - less fake smiles on tv - hate the guests / hosts on talent competitions who laugh and smile without reason.
[Blue Eyes - Cary Brothers]
"judge not lest ye be judged" tells the bible... and aaron sorkin. i discuss with a friend about the politics and power struggle in our college. i lay judgements on them, and ask him to help me put a stop to their 'evil deeds'.
[kaisi hai yeh rut - dil chahta hai]
fuck moral superiority. fuck judging others. fuck caring about others' judgements.
Music.
"Lose yourself in the music, the moment. You own it, you better never let it go. "
music can be wonderful. we want to own things. to stamp our ownership. our right of possession. i love that girl. i want her to be mine. i want her to be mine, and no one else's. i want her to be in my control. i want to own her.
[tadap tadap - HDDCS]
not music. not music. i dont want to own music. i dont want to keep it just for myself. i want the world to have it, along with me. along with me, i want the world to appreciate it. the song i like, i want the world to appreciate it as much as i do. to feel the profoundness of the subtle intricacy of a moment in the song that maybe no one else noticed. a deliberate change in pitch, a subtle background instrument, a suddenly high tenor.
"gum ke khazaane milte hain phir, milti hain tanhayian / kabhi aansu kabhi aahein kabhi shikve kabhi naale, tera chehra nazar aaye / tera chehra nazar aaye "
love.
unrequited, the only form i know it in. i still miss those times when 'tera chehra nazar aaye' was true for me, and the force of love, enhanced by only fleeting encounters of the beloved, made me want to scream her name at the top of my voice.
[HDDCS - HDDCS]
"Marriage is the promise of eternal love. As a man of honor I cannot promise eternally what I've never felt momentarily", says Leopold.
[ankhon ki gustakhiyan - HDDCS]
its 3.40 AM - i'll stay awake for some more time still. aware, of course i am, of the workload of the coming week. i'll stay awake, still. i'll write. i'll think. i dont do that often enough. i miss it. i want more of this, more stream of consciousness, more randomness, more small surprises - like when you dont expect a song to work for you, but it does, and how. brilliant, those little moments. praise those artists, distributing these small moments.
[jhonka hawa ka - HDDCS]
"main dekhta hun chhup chhup ke tumko / mehsus karti hogi na"
i wonder if any of the three suspected anything, knew anything, felt anything. your indifference kills me, i wonder if you'll ever know it. i wonder if this knowledge would matter.
[rock on - rock on]
"Sunday is the day before the day I work, so it gets poisoned. I want more of this, more 1876", says Kate.
so do I.
Friday, June 13, 2008
a moral dilemma
june 14, 2.30 am
i travel to and from work in the ever-surprising world of western railways, mumbai. i am the guy wearing the earphones who takes out a pen and a small pad soon as he gets a place to sit. what do i write? well, stuff like this post, general thoughts about my life and the world, and off late i take a line from the song playing in my music player, and construct (or try to) a story around it.
anyways, this is what i wrote yesterday -
The moral dilemma - as i watch beggars with missing limbs, street urchins, rail traveling salesmen and the like - of whether to give or not to give. Do i have the responsibility as the more privileged party in any transaction to sacrifice for the less privileged one? - Do i offer my seat everytime to even a remotely elderly gentleman? Do i buy stuff from these poor kids roaming in the stuffy locals all day when what they deserve is an education? Do i always give some money to every beggar who looks atrophied or has lost a limb? What amount? Enough for one meal? Enough for one month? Do i actively look for people to give charity to, or just to those who come in contact with me? What about the millions of others who are in a far worse condition than i am; in a far worse condition than any human should be; and for what fault but an accident of birth?
[NFAK's 'The Face of Love' plays as i write this]
All this, as i still lament and curse my lot in life. Why wont God give me the girl? Why wont He give me [insert wants of choice here]
[Linkin Park - 'Nobody's Listening']
To ask for all this now feels so utterly selfish when seen in the light of the millions in inhuman plight. yet, a strong feeling of injustice is felt when i look at the more privileged lot.
To come back to the original questions - how much responsibility do i have [Sonu Nigam - 'Yaar Mangiyasi'] to do something for the downtrodden? how much of me should work for them? the foggy answer that comes to me is - all of it. i, indeed most people, would not be able to enjoy leisure if a man with such a bad lot in life as may push him to suicide sits in front of me. Then, how can i do it just he's physically removed from my surroundings? how can i turn a blind eye so easily? ['this is the last song that i will dedicate to you']
A guy has a lakh of rupees that can be spent on a hedonistic vacation or on giving a few random people a small break from the constant misery that is their daily life. What's the right thing to do? [Nishabd - Amitabh Bachchan - 'Rozaana']
The question is - is it wrong to favour my wants over the genuine needs of the poor? and if it is, then that's the end of all plans i ever made; of all role models i ever had.
[Eminem - '8 Mile Rd']
How to decide?
.................................................
I later recall that all this was very much alike to a 'Sports Night' episode where Dan can't decide which charity to patronize. that episode ends beautifully with Dan, hungry as hell, shares his dinner and a game on television with a homeless guy who walks into the building.
i travel to and from work in the ever-surprising world of western railways, mumbai. i am the guy wearing the earphones who takes out a pen and a small pad soon as he gets a place to sit. what do i write? well, stuff like this post, general thoughts about my life and the world, and off late i take a line from the song playing in my music player, and construct (or try to) a story around it.
anyways, this is what i wrote yesterday -
The moral dilemma - as i watch beggars with missing limbs, street urchins, rail traveling salesmen and the like - of whether to give or not to give. Do i have the responsibility as the more privileged party in any transaction to sacrifice for the less privileged one? - Do i offer my seat everytime to even a remotely elderly gentleman? Do i buy stuff from these poor kids roaming in the stuffy locals all day when what they deserve is an education? Do i always give some money to every beggar who looks atrophied or has lost a limb? What amount? Enough for one meal? Enough for one month? Do i actively look for people to give charity to, or just to those who come in contact with me? What about the millions of others who are in a far worse condition than i am; in a far worse condition than any human should be; and for what fault but an accident of birth?
[NFAK's 'The Face of Love' plays as i write this]
All this, as i still lament and curse my lot in life. Why wont God give me the girl? Why wont He give me [insert wants of choice here]
[Linkin Park - 'Nobody's Listening']
To ask for all this now feels so utterly selfish when seen in the light of the millions in inhuman plight. yet, a strong feeling of injustice is felt when i look at the more privileged lot.
To come back to the original questions - how much responsibility do i have [Sonu Nigam - 'Yaar Mangiyasi'] to do something for the downtrodden? how much of me should work for them? the foggy answer that comes to me is - all of it. i, indeed most people, would not be able to enjoy leisure if a man with such a bad lot in life as may push him to suicide sits in front of me. Then, how can i do it just he's physically removed from my surroundings? how can i turn a blind eye so easily? ['this is the last song that i will dedicate to you']
A guy has a lakh of rupees that can be spent on a hedonistic vacation or on giving a few random people a small break from the constant misery that is their daily life. What's the right thing to do? [Nishabd - Amitabh Bachchan - 'Rozaana']
The question is - is it wrong to favour my wants over the genuine needs of the poor? and if it is, then that's the end of all plans i ever made; of all role models i ever had.
[Eminem - '8 Mile Rd']
How to decide?
.................................................
I later recall that all this was very much alike to a 'Sports Night' episode where Dan can't decide which charity to patronize. that episode ends beautifully with Dan, hungry as hell, shares his dinner and a game on television with a homeless guy who walks into the building.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
All the inspiration that I need
Acres - Walking Next to You
Lyrics
When I feel like I might fall
Underneath the pressure of it all
I think of you, and it's alright
When it's dark beyond the door
and shadows trace my fears across the floor
I look at you, and I see the light
Chorus:
All the inspiration that I need
is when I hear you calling out for me
and I will walk the only road that's true
when I'm walking next to you.
When I feel I'm doing this all wrong
and I jumble broken phrases in a song
you know how to speak through me
When I get tangled up in grief
and the remedies I takenever offer up relief
I talk to you and I am free
All the inspiration to pull me through
is in the smallest hand I've ever held on to.
And I will walk the only road that's true
when I'm walking next to you.
When I feel I can't go on
and it seems a thousand years before the dawn
I reach for you
and you keep me holding on
Chorus
This beautiful song from the 'scrubs' soundtrack popped in the playlist as I was walking back
from work. Zach Braff has had this feature of having worked with the most fabulous music ensembles ever - be it 'Garden State' for which he himself chose the soundtrack or 'Scrubs', which has had consistently great music throughout its 7 seasons till now. (I hope the show goes on forever. Earlier there was news that the studio hasn't picked up the show after the 7th season, but ZB confirmed on the blog that there would be an 8th season, not sure where it would be telecast, though).
Coming back to the song, the lyrics are beautiful, as is the melody. Surprisingly little mention of the song on the web. So much so that i found the lyrics on the 3rd page of the google search. but for the moment, just mull on this with me...
All the inspiration that I need
is when I hear you calling out for me
Lyrics
When I feel like I might fall
Underneath the pressure of it all
I think of you, and it's alright
When it's dark beyond the door
and shadows trace my fears across the floor
I look at you, and I see the light
Chorus:
All the inspiration that I need
is when I hear you calling out for me
and I will walk the only road that's true
when I'm walking next to you.
When I feel I'm doing this all wrong
and I jumble broken phrases in a song
you know how to speak through me
When I get tangled up in grief
and the remedies I takenever offer up relief
I talk to you and I am free
All the inspiration to pull me through
is in the smallest hand I've ever held on to.
And I will walk the only road that's true
when I'm walking next to you.
When I feel I can't go on
and it seems a thousand years before the dawn
I reach for you
and you keep me holding on
Chorus
This beautiful song from the 'scrubs' soundtrack popped in the playlist as I was walking back
from work. Zach Braff has had this feature of having worked with the most fabulous music ensembles ever - be it 'Garden State' for which he himself chose the soundtrack or 'Scrubs', which has had consistently great music throughout its 7 seasons till now. (I hope the show goes on forever. Earlier there was news that the studio hasn't picked up the show after the 7th season, but ZB confirmed on the blog that there would be an 8th season, not sure where it would be telecast, though).
Coming back to the song, the lyrics are beautiful, as is the melody. Surprisingly little mention of the song on the web. So much so that i found the lyrics on the 3rd page of the google search. but for the moment, just mull on this with me...
All the inspiration that I need
is when I hear you calling out for me
Friday, May 30, 2008
pay it forward
don't remember how anymore, but landed up at this website today... http://www.helpothers.org/
their idea is for everyone to have a 'random acts of kindness' paradigm. they'll encourage you to do random acts of kindness - to anyone, strangers, people you know, your family, anyone - and if you want to do something kind for anyone and you dont have a clue about what to do - they'll help you out with ideas and stories of RAOKs.
also reminds me of the wonderful Mimi Leder movie - "Pay it Forward" - (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0223897/) - its worth a watch, if you like the above idea or in general if you like 'hopeful' movies. - although i should warn you, its ending is as depressing as 'its a wonderul life' left 15 mins before the ending. (Friends reference)
anyways, back to the website - nice concept - should inspire everyone who's in a comfortable position in his/ her life right now to do some RAOKs - to do your bit for the world, while you are comfortable. but i want to look at this in a slightly depressive angle for now -
people who will be doing these kind acts for strangers, would turn into the same selfish, egocentric people as everyone else soon as they're slightly pushed or if they feel somebody is trying to gain an advantage at their expense - they'll be in a queue and one of those jackasses will try to butt in coz he thinks 'queues are for suckers' - and these kind people will lose it (i dont blame them, but how about being kind to the jackass?) - its easy to be kind to strangers - they dont threaten your well being, your ego-fulfillment.... but real kindness, for my money, would be to not hold a grudge against the colleague who said some unkind words against you; the clerk who was lazy and didnt do your work - just to clarify, i'm not advocating being a pushover - just also think through your 'kindness' cap in the places when life doesn't go easy on you.
their idea is for everyone to have a 'random acts of kindness' paradigm. they'll encourage you to do random acts of kindness - to anyone, strangers, people you know, your family, anyone - and if you want to do something kind for anyone and you dont have a clue about what to do - they'll help you out with ideas and stories of RAOKs.
also reminds me of the wonderful Mimi Leder movie - "Pay it Forward" - (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0223897/) - its worth a watch, if you like the above idea or in general if you like 'hopeful' movies. - although i should warn you, its ending is as depressing as 'its a wonderul life' left 15 mins before the ending. (Friends reference)
anyways, back to the website - nice concept - should inspire everyone who's in a comfortable position in his/ her life right now to do some RAOKs - to do your bit for the world, while you are comfortable. but i want to look at this in a slightly depressive angle for now -
people who will be doing these kind acts for strangers, would turn into the same selfish, egocentric people as everyone else soon as they're slightly pushed or if they feel somebody is trying to gain an advantage at their expense - they'll be in a queue and one of those jackasses will try to butt in coz he thinks 'queues are for suckers' - and these kind people will lose it (i dont blame them, but how about being kind to the jackass?) - its easy to be kind to strangers - they dont threaten your well being, your ego-fulfillment.... but real kindness, for my money, would be to not hold a grudge against the colleague who said some unkind words against you; the clerk who was lazy and didnt do your work - just to clarify, i'm not advocating being a pushover - just also think through your 'kindness' cap in the places when life doesn't go easy on you.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
my tragedy with the comedy and the hilarity in the tragedy
yesterday was 'katha collage' at prithvi. it was the telling of six short skits, each covering a slightly different shade of comedy. much of it was borderline slapstick, but some of them gave you something to think about if you were inclined to look.
telephone, bhala aadmi, akhaada aur nahaana, the business of education, the blind man, and the interview - these could be the informal titles i could give to the six segments. 'telephone' was a rocking start that instantly got the audience involved. 'bhala aadmi' was some gentle comedy, 'akhaada aur nahana' was one of those 'big' comedies going for the hard laughs - nothing was too slapstick for them to create humour - and the audience loved it. for my money, 'the business of education' was the closest thing to an aaron sorkin show being enacted on stage that i'll probably get to see on an indian stage - and this says more about the kind of content i expect from indian stage artists than the brilliance of this segment of the play. it was great at creating laughter, as were the other two - but they still could be a lot more sorkinized to please me more.
anyway, the tragedy was watching it alone - and this could be understood by someone who may have had the strange experience of watching 'jaane bhi do yaaron' alone - here you'd have a brilliant comedy which would have you in splits and nobody to share it with. you'd yearn to repeat the dialogues to see if they are as funny off your tongue as they were off the actors'. ('draupadi tere akele ki nahi hai, hum sab shareholder hain' from jbdy; or 'what you're saying!!' from the play).
today, was 'antigone' - which till the interval and for some part after that seemed to me the best play i have ever seen. it created that intense, profound, suffocating experience in the first three quarters of the play, that is to lead to the cathartic release upon climax - and i think this is something all great plays and movies in this genre try to do, but so few succed - but somewhere after the interval, even 'antigone' became a confused script and hence the climax, though impressively forewarned and pre-ordained failed to create the impact that was promised.
the hilarity was in the situation itself, and this fact was mentioned and accepted within the play itself. the king, played by naseerudin shah, will order his niece and his daughter in law- to- be (antigone, played by ratna pathak shah), to be hanged because she tried to give a burial to her brother against the orders given by the king, even though the king himself felt it to be disgusting, and even though the other brother, who was given a hero's burial was as much in the wrong. and this would happen even though the king would much rather she live, and she would much rather that she live - and both of them see the absurdity of whats going on - but as the narrator (ben gilani, wonderful) said - this is no melodrama, this is a tragedy - and in a tragedy there is no place for hope - it takes just a little thing to get the ball rolling and then there's no stopping it - everything functions like a well oiled machinery - and the killer is as innocent as the victim he kills. and all you can do in the end is shout - not whimper or complain - but shout. and this is what i thought the climax could have been - instead of the king just accepting the greatest tragedy and shown trying to move on - after a few 'i'm so devastated' expressions - he could have actually shouted at the top of his lungs - what an effect that would have created in a place like prithvi.
others including the always wonderful heeba shah were good too, and of course there was the bevy of beautiful girls to remind me of stuff i dont want to be reminded of.
the outsides portion of the night ended with a visit to juhu, where i think i saw a UFO, but it could also have been just an aeroplane, so i'll keep my mouth shut.
telephone, bhala aadmi, akhaada aur nahaana, the business of education, the blind man, and the interview - these could be the informal titles i could give to the six segments. 'telephone' was a rocking start that instantly got the audience involved. 'bhala aadmi' was some gentle comedy, 'akhaada aur nahana' was one of those 'big' comedies going for the hard laughs - nothing was too slapstick for them to create humour - and the audience loved it. for my money, 'the business of education' was the closest thing to an aaron sorkin show being enacted on stage that i'll probably get to see on an indian stage - and this says more about the kind of content i expect from indian stage artists than the brilliance of this segment of the play. it was great at creating laughter, as were the other two - but they still could be a lot more sorkinized to please me more.
anyway, the tragedy was watching it alone - and this could be understood by someone who may have had the strange experience of watching 'jaane bhi do yaaron' alone - here you'd have a brilliant comedy which would have you in splits and nobody to share it with. you'd yearn to repeat the dialogues to see if they are as funny off your tongue as they were off the actors'. ('draupadi tere akele ki nahi hai, hum sab shareholder hain' from jbdy; or 'what you're saying!!' from the play).
today, was 'antigone' - which till the interval and for some part after that seemed to me the best play i have ever seen. it created that intense, profound, suffocating experience in the first three quarters of the play, that is to lead to the cathartic release upon climax - and i think this is something all great plays and movies in this genre try to do, but so few succed - but somewhere after the interval, even 'antigone' became a confused script and hence the climax, though impressively forewarned and pre-ordained failed to create the impact that was promised.
the hilarity was in the situation itself, and this fact was mentioned and accepted within the play itself. the king, played by naseerudin shah, will order his niece and his daughter in law- to- be (antigone, played by ratna pathak shah), to be hanged because she tried to give a burial to her brother against the orders given by the king, even though the king himself felt it to be disgusting, and even though the other brother, who was given a hero's burial was as much in the wrong. and this would happen even though the king would much rather she live, and she would much rather that she live - and both of them see the absurdity of whats going on - but as the narrator (ben gilani, wonderful) said - this is no melodrama, this is a tragedy - and in a tragedy there is no place for hope - it takes just a little thing to get the ball rolling and then there's no stopping it - everything functions like a well oiled machinery - and the killer is as innocent as the victim he kills. and all you can do in the end is shout - not whimper or complain - but shout. and this is what i thought the climax could have been - instead of the king just accepting the greatest tragedy and shown trying to move on - after a few 'i'm so devastated' expressions - he could have actually shouted at the top of his lungs - what an effect that would have created in a place like prithvi.
others including the always wonderful heeba shah were good too, and of course there was the bevy of beautiful girls to remind me of stuff i dont want to be reminded of.
the outsides portion of the night ended with a visit to juhu, where i think i saw a UFO, but it could also have been just an aeroplane, so i'll keep my mouth shut.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
