a moral dilemma

june 14, 2.30 am
i travel to and from work in the ever-surprising world of western railways, mumbai. i am the guy wearing the earphones who takes out a pen and a small pad soon as he gets a place to sit. what do i write? well, stuff like this post, general thoughts about my life and the world, and off late i take a line from the song playing in my music player, and construct (or try to) a story around it.

anyways, this is what i wrote yesterday -

The moral dilemma - as i watch beggars with missing limbs, street urchins, rail traveling salesmen and the like - of whether to give or not to give. Do i have the responsibility as the more privileged party in any transaction to sacrifice for the less privileged one? - Do i offer my seat everytime to even a remotely elderly gentleman? Do i buy stuff from these poor kids roaming in the stuffy locals all day when what they deserve is an education? Do i always give some money to every beggar who looks atrophied or has lost a limb? What amount? Enough for one meal? Enough for one month? Do i actively look for people to give charity to, or just to those who come in contact with me? What about the millions of others who are in a far worse condition than i am; in a far worse condition than any human should be; and for what fault but an accident of birth?
[NFAK's 'The Face of Love' plays as i write this]

All this, as i still lament and curse my lot in life. Why wont God give me the girl? Why wont He give me [insert wants of choice here]
[Linkin Park - 'Nobody's Listening']

To ask for all this now feels so utterly selfish when seen in the light of the millions in inhuman plight. yet, a strong feeling of injustice is felt when i look at the more privileged lot.

To come back to the original questions - how much responsibility do i have [Sonu Nigam - 'Yaar Mangiyasi'] to do something for the downtrodden? how much of me should work for them? the foggy answer that comes to me is - all of it. i, indeed most people, would not be able to enjoy leisure if a man with such a bad lot in life as may push him to suicide sits in front of me. Then, how can i do it just he's physically removed from my surroundings? how can i turn a blind eye so easily? ['this is the last song that i will dedicate to you']

A guy has a lakh of rupees that can be spent on a hedonistic vacation or on giving a few random people a small break from the constant misery that is their daily life. What's the right thing to do? [Nishabd - Amitabh Bachchan - 'Rozaana']

The question is - is it wrong to favour my wants over the genuine needs of the poor? and if it is, then that's the end of all plans i ever made; of all role models i ever had.
[Eminem - '8 Mile Rd']

How to decide?
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I later recall that all this was very much alike to a 'Sports Night' episode where Dan can't decide which charity to patronize. that episode ends beautifully with Dan, hungry as hell, shares his dinner and a game on television with a homeless guy who walks into the building.